Losing It
by RosalieCullen93
Summary: After Rosalie comes across a woman being raped she loses control.


I was walking down the street when I heard the scream. Due to my vampire hearing the screaming was louder than it would have been to a human. I shuddered. It was night. No one was around. I was only out because I decided to buy a new dress for an event a school acquaintance had invited me to. Well, Carlisle insisted I go and Alice had insisted I buy a new dress. I stood there, still in the darkness of the parking lot, clutching my bag. I heard the girl screaming. I could hear the man's laughter, crude, loud, harsh.

It took me back to another night, long ago. It took me back to another lifetime.

I clenched my fist, threw the bag into my car and ran. No, I wouldn't allow this. I couldn't. I followed the screams and laughter to an alley and a scene straight from my most-buried nightmares. The girl was pushed up against the wall, her attacker groping her breasts. My nails dug into my flesh, but I didn't register the pain.

"Leave her alone!" I shouted. The girl had beautiful, golden hair. She looked like me. A distant relative perhaps or was I hallucinating? The man turned, still holding the struggling girl by her throat.

"What you gonna do about it?" Royce asked. No, he didn't look anything like Royce. Did he? My mind was confused. I hadn't hunted in weeks. I was dangerously hungry, my eyes coal black. I could smell the man's blood.

_Food, food, FOOD! _A voice whispered in the back of my mind. I walked over, like a lion walking towards an antelope. _You can't imagine the danger you're in._ I would break his arm, scare him. I was beside him in the blink of an eye. His breath caught in his throat.

"What are you?"  
"Your worst nightmare." I grabbed his arm and twisted. He screamed as his arm snapped. The girl, now free, ran.

_Leave now, Rosalie. You're not a newborn, you can walk away. _A voice pleaded as I looked him over.

He was screaming even louder now. _Pathetic piece of shit_. Before I could stop myself, before I could even think about it, my teeth were plunged into his neck. His blood flowed into me, my venom flowed into him. His blood was sweet, too sweet in fact. I drew away in revulsion. I wondered if vampires have a gag reflex. I wanted to throw up his blood. I didn't want any part of a creature like him inside of me. He laid on the ground, drained completely. I closed my eyes. I wasn't thirsty anymore. His blood empowered me. The usual high of having just fed coursed through me, renewing me, giving me new energy. However, I didn't feel the normal joy. Instead, I felt shame over my loss of control. I had never tasted human blood. I never intended too. What would everyone think of me? Jasper would understand, but would Carlisle and Esme? What about Emmett? I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I walked back to my car and stared at my reflection. Blood was coursing down my chin. My eyes were red instead of their normal golden. I decided I needed to get away for a bit. I started to drive. I stopped at the park. It was closed, but that wouldn't matter to me. I easily scaled the fence and started walking. I needed to clear my head.

_Filthy whore, filthy whore…_

That night, that damned night kept coming back to me. I sat on a park bench and held my head. Royce laughing at me as he pushed me hard against the cobblestones, accusing me of being a whore while letting his friends _defile me_.

_Defiled…_I had been defiled that night, robbed of my humanity long before Carlisle had gotten to me and transformed me. Royce had stripped away my dignity, my humanity. When I became a vampire i'd decided to never taste human blood. It was the last shred of humanity I hung onto.

Now, even that was gone. What was I now? Nothing, just like after that night.

"Rosalie."  
I looked up. "Emmett?"  
No! No, I couldn't let him see me like this! I stood up and ran. He ran after me. What was he even doing here?

"Go away!" I shouted.

"Rose, I just…I just want to know if you're okay!"

I stopped in my tracks. He wanted to know if I was _okay? _I burst out laughing at the absolute absurdity of it. Of course I wasn't okay. I didn't know if I'd ever be okay again.

"I just killed a man and drained his blood." I told him. "I was trying to hold on to that last shred of humanity, you know? Now, even it's gone."

I turned around so he could see my eyes. "These aren't the eyes of the woman you love, are they?"  
"Yes, they are." He said. "Red looks good on you."  
Despite myself, I started laughing.

"Alice told me what happened. She said I should check up on you. She told me where you'd be."

"Did she tell you…" My voice trailed off.

"Yeah, she told me. You killed the rapist bastard."

"That's not what's bothering me. I feel like I…I was hanging on I guess. Trying to still be human. After I was r…ra…" I couldn't say it.

"You what?" Emmett asked. He walked closer to me.

"I felt like there wasn't anything left of me. That I was destroyed. That no one else would ever love me. I couldn't let that poor girl go through the same thing I did." I told him, trying to justify myself. "I couldn't let that…that animal do it again. So, I killed him."

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "I understand."

"Then I drank his blood. I was thirsty. I…just lost control. And now part of him is inside of me."

He held me. "We all lose control, Rosalie. We all slip up."

"You're more than I deserve, Emmett."

"Please come home. Everyone's worried about you."

I rested my head on his shoulder. He stroked my golden hair. I fell apart on his shoulder. He held me close as I sobbed.

"Why?" I asked him when I finally managed to calm down a bit. "Why on Earth do you love me?"  
"You're my angel."  
I snorted. "Some angel."  
"I need you, Rosalie."

"I need you more." I said to him. "If I believed in God, I'd say he sent me to you."

He chuckled like he didn't believe me. "He sent you to rescue me." He continued to stroke my golden hair. "It's going to be alright, you know."

"As long as you stay with me…" I mumbled. "I know it'll be."


End file.
